I had no idea…

Hey blog.  It’s been a tough couple of weeks.  I’m not really sure how to process it all, so I’ll share a little here. A bit of writing therapy. Here goes:

My dad passed away and I’ve been left to wrap my mind around a few major issues.  He decided it best that I didn’t know he had cancer for the past 8 years and bed ridden and dying since Thanksgiving.  I’m not sure why anyone would keep their death from their own daughter, but that was what he chose.  It is strange and bizarre and I feel a bit cheated.  We weren’t close.  He was a hard man; difficult to love, difficult to understand his motivations… prickly.   I believe he wrote me off because of political differences which is ridiculous to me.  So I feel like I don’t really know why the past 6 or 7 years he had been pulling away, if only to save me from grief.  Which I also don’t understand.

I visited with my siblings after his death.  There was no service so we made our own.  Below is pictured our time together recounting the good times we had with our dad.  We also wrote questions to him, since he left us with so many, and burnt them in the fire.  Having returned to California and Huntington Beach specifically brought back so many childhood memories.  So much has changed but I found some old HB between the newly built skin.  Those images I have been posting on my instagram feed as a sort of homage to my dad.
www.stacieannsmith.com #HuntingtonBeach #sayingGoodbye

www.stacieannsmith.com #HuntingtonBeach #sayingGoodbye

www.stacieannsmith.com #HuntingtonBeach #sayingGoodbye

www.stacieannsmith.com #HuntingtonBeach #sayingGoodbye

7 thoughts on “I had no idea…”

  1. oh Stacie!!!!! I had no idea! I so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what the last few months have been like for you! I can’t wait to meet you in person. Xoxo Sara

  2. That stinks Stacie, I’m so sorry. Words are so useless at expressing my heart feelings sometimes, but I’m thinking of you and praying for you and love you.

  3. Stacie- I’m so sorry to hear about this. I hope you are finding peace as the days go on. We are thinking of you.

  4. Oh dear, Stacie, I’m so sorry. I can understand why you feel a bit cheated. Who know why he chose that path…perhaps it was out of love. Sorry for your loss.

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